The GL Lexicon

50-50-90 Rule If the husband has a 50-50 chance of being right, there’s a 90 percent chance he’ll be wrong.
B as in B, S as in S A Garage Logician’s comment on just about anything that’s not Garage Logical.
C.I. (Cylinder Index) The total number of internal combustion cylinders in your possession. (vehicles, gas powered equipment, marine and aviation all qualify). If it is less than your age, move on to Euphoria. 
C.P. (Chief Procurer) Wife, individual who is in charge of supplies at home
Central Community Kindergarten Center Where the Euphorians of Eden Prairie send their children.
Choppers Those big mittens that Euphorians wear while traveling around in their puke green specs in the middle of winter, because they refuse to turn on the heat.
Common Surface, Savings, and Loan Any surface where you find money which you deem to be located on a common surface area. The money collected from these surfaces is added to a GLer’s personal coin stash.

Examples of Common Surface: Coins in couches, under the table, in the washing machine, on the ironing board, cars, and bathrooms. This does not include someone’s private desktop or nightstand.

Crisis Center All Good GLers consider this the garage!
Cylinder Index Tasking Priority When your wife gives you a TO DO list, those jobs requiring the use of internal combustion engies will receive the highest priority. The more cylinders, the higher the priority.
D.A. (Domestic Associate) Refers to Patrick Reusse’s wife.
End of the World A preface for describing an incredibly moronic event or situation
FFLF (Female Fun Limitation Factor) When a woman asks “Do you really think you should be doing that?”
Fighting Stogies Team name for the University of Garage Logic
Foghorn The sound one hears immediately after uttering an incredibly moronic statement and/or a word not in the Garage Logic Lexicon. All FOGHORN-ABLE words are words whose original meanings have been distorted and embraced by mysterians in an attempt to mean something else.
G.U.S. Give Up Space! All good Garage Logicians ensure that their driveway is fully shoveled during the winter time. DON’T EVER GIVE UP SPACE!
Garage Door Opener This GL holiday is celebrated the first Friday in Spring when the temperature reaches 70 degrees. GLers participate by opening their garage door and lounging inside with a cold one.
Garage Grilling A list of questions GLers ask political candidates who knock at their door. 
Goin’ In Making a project so thoroughly and unnecessarily complicated that pretty soon there is no end to it. EXAMPLE: putting a new light on the porch becomes a 3rd stall addition to the garage.
Good Luck! An all encompassing salutation that refers to the daily mystery that intrigues GLers in their daily interactions with the residents of Euphoria, Liberal Lakes and Diversityville.
Great Living American Citizens who reside in Garage Logic over the age of 50.
Hail the Flashlight King! This greeting was bestowed upon the mayor because of his wide collection of flashlights that is second to none. The mayor reminds all to constantly maintain an abundant supply of flashlights as well as batteries (Even though his y2k supply is pretty much dormant on the shelf).
In a GLer’s Pocket An average GLer has on their person at any given time a sum between three to eight dollars.
Linking GL technique.
Make a Move When traffic is heavy and your regular route is blocked, GLers find an alternate route that just keeps you MOVING!
Moron Chip A miss-firing of brain synapses that results in unbelievable stupidity.
MRLF (Male Romance Limitation Factor) When a man seems to always ruin the most romantic of moments. Definitely not showing their SCUM colors at the time.
Mysterians Any activist, Euphorian, or suspect person who attempts to bring about the mystery.
NCLB National Child Left Behind. The league for tracking how many kids have been left on school buses.
Oatmeal Ass (OA) The name granted to Patrick Reusse when he didn’t call during the 1998 Masters.
Plate Management (or Heap Management) Every good GLer practices excellent plate management. This means at a function, one piles up as much food on the plate without spilling . . . i.e. a shrimp wall or a meatloaf blockade. There are different etiquette practices for a family function versus a black tie charitable function.
Rainman It  Going beyond the call of duty and sticking with the project till it’s done while knowing full well that it drives the mayor crazy. Think of Dustin Hoffman’s character in the movie Rainman.
RAY OF HOPE! A noteworthy event that defies the mystery.
Real Mechanical Value of a Task (or the RMV) A guy fixes something on the car in three minutes he can’t admit that. He has to time the value of the task and maybe drink a few beers and watch TV in the garage and only then go in the house and say that the job is done.
S.C.U.M – Sensitive Caring Urban Male Describing a male Garage Logician.
SPEC This term is used to describe a low cylinder vehicle with high fuel conservation to help promote eco-sensitivity. This vehicle comes equipped with a heater that doesn’t work, an inside ice scraper for the windshield, & a pair of choppers. A prematurely gray haired Euphorian with a stocking cap pulled over the ears is usually seen driving this type of vehicle.
Sudden Insanity Syndrome (S.I.S) Describes an individual who just suddenly snaps.
The 48-Hour Rule or “You Had Your Chance” This rule was established on March 5, 2002 and is as follows: As a reward for a fellow sneaking new and inexpensive cylinders into the Crisis Center and also escaping any female wrath that might accrue from said purchase, the fellow may make up any story he wishes after 48 hours regarding the acquisition. In other words, she gets 48 hours to notice the purchase and complain. If she misses her window, you are home free.

“This old thing,” you might say, when, after a week, she finally does notice, “that thing has been here since July.”

The Cap is ON/OFF This term was coined by Dave Dahl in reference to the cap on the atmosphere. The CAP is like the cover on a pot of boiling water. When you take the cover off, steam is allowed to escape. If ON – no severe weather. If OFF – expect some storms.
The Look The expression one gets from one’s spouse when one does something incredibly moronic. Women are born with a natural ability to give “the look,” but men can acquire ability over time.
The Mystery To a GLer, it sometimes seems as if there are two Americas, one that GLers understand and one that compels GLers to wish each other “Good Luck.” (see Good Luck definition).
Three Prices You Pay Syndrome 1 – The price you paid for the item.
2 – The price you tell her you paid for the item.
3 – The price you pay when she finds out the price you paid.
Tophat This term refers back to an encounter between Joe and Rookie. They went to tour a traveling exhibit of the Smithsonian Museum. Joe ordered Rookie to take notes. They toured the museum and Joe kept asking Rookie if he was taking notes. Of course, Rookie said “yes.” At the end of the tour, Joe asked to see the notes. Rookie handed Joe a piece of paper with one word – tophat (one of the artifacts was President Lincoln’s tophat). 
Two-Cycle The G.L. town dog. A likable and fair mutt that won’t sit or roll over, but will fetch a 3/8-drive ratchet for you.
U.S.S. Common Sense GL’s official boat craft that sails over the waters of Euphoria in search of citizens with common sense.
Uh, We don’t know that! A response given to those who don’t have their facts straight.
Vast Prosperity We’re not quite sure what it means, but we are sure it exists.
WD-40 Official cologne of GL.
Wrenches Gumption County’s High School football mascot.
You in? A new GL term that has become part of the GL Lexicon in lieu of the September 11th events. GLers on alert all over the nation, ask each other “You In?” – whether in the air or on the ground – to communicate the message that the terrorists can’t win.