By Lindsey Brown
*Lindsey Brown is a former college goaltender for THE Ohio State and Saint Anselm College. She was raised on the very Minnesota pond water that gets tossed on the ice before every Wild game. You can find her at Wild games or somewhere watching hockey and drinking a Diet Coke.
Happy Thanksgiving and Black Friday everyone! In honor of the official holiday season kick-off I thought it would be fun to explore a concept that NO ONE else would have the gall to write about. I applaud you dear reader for supporting me and this column, which is so clearly a beacon of journalistic integrity and creative genius.
A WILD Thanksgiving (I’m not sorry for the pun)
Turkey: Devan Dubnyk
- Devan Dubnyk is the turkey of the Minnesota Wild team, the main dish that the rest of the dinner is constructed. Turkey is not necessarily the most impressive dish of the Thanksgiving feast, but without it the entire holiday (and team) would completely derail. Trust me, a nightmare like THIS must be avoided at all costs.
Stuffing: Zach Parise
- According to Wikipedia, “Stuffing serves the dual purpose of helping to keep the meat moist while also adding to the mix of flavours of both the stuffing and the thing it is stuffed in.” Have you ever read a more Zach Parise-esque food definition? The stuffing kind of brings everything together, much like Parise has done so far this season. Parise is tied for the team lead in goals (10) and second in points (23) so far this season. Zach isn’t the headliner, but his underrated play can take this team (and Thanksgiving dinner) to another level.
Mashy P’s or as boring people know it as Mashed Potatoes: Mikael Granlund
- A Thanksgiving dinner simply cannot be successful without Mashy P’s. Without them, it’s just another mediocre dinner. Mashy P’s are the dish that binds the other dishes together on your Thanksgiving plate. Granlund has 23 points (10G/10A) through 23 games this season. He is the difference-maker for your Minnesota Wild. Without Mikael Granlund, the Wild would ACTUALLY be a mediocre squad rather than a skilled club that that just disappoints its fans every year.
Glazed Carrots: Matt Dumba
- Glazed carrots can be the MVP of the entire Thanksgiving feast if prepared correctly, the same can be said of the Wild’s Matt Dumba. As of right now, Matt Dumba leads all NHL defenseman in goals scored this season with 10 goals in 23 games which is RIDICULOUS. In the offensive zone (especially on the PP) Dumba is operating at an elite glazed carrot level but defensively he’s been more let’s just say mushy. There is nothing worse that overcooked (or overconfident) carrots. Dumba has been converting quite a few of those clappers from Ovi’s office but he must be careful to not spend too much time in that warm and inviting spotlight.
Rolls/Butters: Jared Spurgeon
- I don’t have a particularly clever explanation for the Spurge. Straight up, he’s the player I trust the most to play the right way. He’s the bread and butter of this team. He’s not flashy but if something else isn’t made (or playing) as well as you had hoped he’s ALWAYS there to save the day.
Gravy: Nino Niederreiter
- I HATE GRAVY. I don’t hate Nino but he has not had a great start to the season. I’m sure gravy is awesome and ties everything together perfectly, I’ll take your word for it. Gravy is not my thing, and lately neither is Nino’s game.
Cranberry Sauce: Mikko Koivu
- Cranberry sauce is also another thanksgiving dish that I’m not a huge fan of. I don’t get why cranberry sauce is a thing, I don’t want liquified fruit making my turkey all slimy and healthy. I think Mikko’s best hockey days are behind him, which is fine. The problem is that the Wild are paying him a turkey level contract which is a problem. You cannot pay cranberry sauce the same as turkey, otherwise you risk putting the success of future feasts in jeopardy.
Pumpkin Pie: Ryan Suter
- Pumpkin pie is the classic thanksgiving dessert. It’s not really Thanksgiving if there’s no pumpkin pie. You notice when it’s not there, but it doesn’t really offer you anything that you haven’t seen before. Pumpkin pie is essential for the overall health of the feast but it’s not something that everyone remembers afterwards. If you were to look up the definition of stay-at-home defenseman, Ryan Suter’s picture would be right next to it. He’s not going to bring a ton of excitement but with last year’s first-round playoff series against the Winnipeg Jets as an example, you do not want to find yourself at thanksgiving without pumpkin pie.
French Silk Pie: Nick Seeler
- French Silk Pie is one of the most underrated desserts of all time. It should be the main dessert at Thanksgiving but for some reason everyone continues to be enamored by other dessert options. I think Nick Seeler has a bright future within the Minnesota Wild organization. He has tons of offensive potential, but he doesn’t compromise himself defensively for opportunities to score. Nick Seeler is the dark horse that should get more attention but doesn’t because he’s a relatively new addition to the team.
I know what you’re thinking… Lindsey Brown is a genius and I must have more. Well lucky for you…..
- @lindseybrown35 is the name, Twitter is the game. I don’t think I’ve broken the 300-follower mark so if you could help a sister out that would be great.
- In case you missed my Goal Post from last week, you can find that bad boy HERE.
- You wanna hear my angelic voice talk some puck with 1500 ESPN’s Judd Zulgad and Declan Goff? You can find that podcast HERE.